Gay relationship i need serious advice ?

my uncles wife is not related to me in any way, other than through the marriage of my uncle's which he is related to my mom side, my mom and my uncle are brothers, my uncles wife has a brother, he is 30, single, and tends to be religious. some people think he is gay, and he seems he hasn't had a relationship with a women, so i bought some college books, and they were delivered to my aunts house, because my house is not stable im away from my home town going to college, so i went yesterday to pick up some books, i waited outside since no one was in the house, finally the guy comes home, and he tells me if i want to go to some religious event, they talk about why homosexuality is wrong and masturbation is also wrong, so we have this long discussion, i asked him if he masturbates he said he does but tries not to, i was like i think its ok to do so, i think one should live a happy live and not hurt no one, do what you like, then i told him if he had sex, he said yeah but when he was 16 with a women, he kept doing it for some times with her, we had a long conversation mostly about sexuality, and views, since he had just gotten from work he told me to give him a second to shower, i was like ok, so he was talking the shower, and the phone rang, later he had the door open of the bathroom and i just called him to answer the phone, so i hand the phone and he was just in towel, i am not sure if he did it in purpose but he drop the towel, and i ended seeing him all naked, he told me he was really sorry, then he went to his room which was straight ahead of the hall from the living room, i was in the living room, and he came out in just underwears, the moment he noticed i saw him, he tried to hide himself and told me he was sorry, i wonder why he didnt finished changeing in his room, well then we ate and keep talking about sexuality, his opinion is that its wrong, pornography is wrong and so its masterbation, later we went to the mall with his sister, and the conversation came up that he was looking for an apartment, which i also am looking towards an apartment, and he told me if he wanted to live together, i know him quite well, i myself am 20, gay, and im closet guy, what do you think i should do, do you think he is gay too? how can i ask him if he is with out letting clues about myself, is it stupid to eventually get involved with him, he does seem interested in me, but i think he is hiding stuff, what about age difference, or does it seem i am over thinking stuff, and i should let him alone?





i know the guy pretty well for years, except the conv always bring homosexuality in, i do think he is in denial, and i do think he is a great guy, we were thinking of renting an apartment together but we are still thinkingGay relationship i need serious advice ?
Honestly -- I think this is a man who is deeply conflicted, and has attached himself to a genuinely destructive religion because he hates himself.





I would be upfront with him (I understand that this borders the insane from your perspective, but you asked what I would do). I would tell him point blank that I was gay -- that I was willing to share the apartment -- but that I did not in any way believe that there was anything wrong with sex, with homosexuality, or with masturbation -- and that I was not willing to entertain other points of view -- so that if he still wanted to share the apartment he needed to understand that.





If he still wanted to share the apartment, I would -- but I would force him to stick to the understanding, both openly and in every other way.





This does several things, the first is it puts him on notice that you are gay and that you have NO problem with it -- another words that you don't hate yourself for it, or have his problems with himself. This might lead to him stepping back from you -- if so, fine. It might lead to him still trying to convert you -- you have to just keep repeating to him that you are not willing to hear it -- cut him right off like you would a 5 year old with swear words, and insist that he listen and treat you with respect. It also might lead to a sexual relationship because you free him from the need to prove anything by insisting that he is not permitted to try to prove anything (a rather effective trick, actually) -- once he is freed, no one knows what he may do.





If he can get to the point of sex without shame -- then no, I don't think its a bad idea to have a sexual relationship with him, at all -- I think it would help both of you -- and be a lot more fun than other methods of getting sex - together with offering stability. If he can't get to that point, that is too bad, and I pity him, enormously -- don't let him drag you down into his morass of self-hatred and self-pity.





Kindest personal regards,





Hermes





PS The age difference is utterly meaningless to any thinking person.Gay relationship i need serious advice ?
I read the first few lines of your question and saw a problem...





';some people think he is gay';





If you don't want to talk about homosexuality with him, tell him. But make sure, first, that he's not wanting just someone understanding to confide in. Judging by the fact that you're confused and asking a public community, you're probably a pretty understanding person.








Edit (finished reading): I read this too...





';i know the guy pretty well for years';





If you know him well, then talk to him. There's no harm in telling him how you feel, and expecting him to tell you how he feels. You can ask if what he did was intentional, I actually think calling people out on stuff (IN PRIVATE *ALWAYS* no matter what the circumstances are) is a GREAT solution to anything that'll ever bother you in life. (My belief: I'm open with my friends and significant others, you can be open with me)





Best of luck! %26lt;3
I don't think being gay is in any way sinful and masturbation is natural and commonplace. It is typical for conversations of young guys to turn to sex, but this guy is mentally twisted. He's conflicted because religious nuts he regularly deals with mess with his mind and convince him that his natural instincts are sinful.





You might be able to help him, but probably not if you're closeted yourself. He sounds like a ';drama queen'; and rooming with him would lead to major emotional events. Being closeted and gay, yourself, you have enough problems to deal with without taking on his. Don't room with him. You would quickly regret it.
Wow, he is in denial, but he's clearly really intensely interested in obsessing about sex and masturbation and homosexuality -- that tells me he is using a lot of his internal energy dealing with this stuff.





Yeah, 80% chance he is gay, unless his church is so obsessed over these issues that's all he ever hears on Sunday mornings.





I also suspect that he is asking you to share an apartment at least partly because he finds you attractive and in spite of his denial he can't help but wonder if something might happen between you.





The problem is this: the guy is really, really caught. He is in a bind.





On one hand, his body and mind are really, really wanting sex. Probably yearning specifically for sex with another guy. And I'm sure he'd like to fall in love with some sweet guy and have a boyfriend.





On the other hand, his church and the (wrong) interpretation of the Bible he has learned are telling him that if he enters into a ';homosexual lifestyle'; he will be under God's wrath and in danger of hell.





So he is a man divided. A house divided against himself. He talks against sexual desires, yet he accidently-on-purpose drops his towel so you can see him.





Which means that, if you room with him, you must be prepared at least to endure daily conversations about sex and masturbation and homosexuality, because he probably can't keep his hands off of himself, or just barely.





And if by chance he gets up his courage and asks you to sleep with him, and if you kinda like him and you do so, he is going to love it -- and then he will hate himself afterward and be scared to death he is going to hell. And he will desperately want to do it again, and he will still be freaked out about offending God.





I know how this works because I was there myself once.





My advice: Do not room with this good young man unless he comes to grips with the sexuality stuff, because he will drive both you and himself insane if he doesn't deal with it.





On some of my other answers I've dealt with a few biblical issues. I'm readily available to talk more about those; you can Yahoo IM me at michael144000, or email me specifically through the button on my Y!A profile.





I only dropped my own denial after a crisis in which I drove myself into clinical depression and lost my marriage. And I only lost my own terrible inner loathing and homophobia after attending the convention of the Gay Christian Network and meeting 285 awesome homosexuals, lol. The hymns and praise songs were great, everyone was friendly and looked and seemed normal, there was so much love and joy and happiness, guys were encouraging, caring and fun. It was like any other prayer conference I've ever been to, but lots more fun, and everyone was gay. It changed my life.





Get ahold of me if you want to talk more.





But trust me: you do not want to room with this guy unless he gets his stuff together. You have to talk with him about this, because he is in danger of driving himself crazy with his desires conflicting with his beliefs.





What he has to learn is that God really loves him...loves him the way he is...and that he does not have to do backflips to receive God's free gift of grace.






Sounds like a tricky situation. If you yourself are in the closet, you should be careful to assume that others are in the closet as well. If you do live together, there may be some confusion and even if you to get together as a couple, you can't predict it will work out, and if you keep it from a secret from your family and then it gets out, it could cause all sorts of different problems. My opinion is that if you are looking for a relationship, you find someone who is openly gay, so that there is no confusion. Good luck to you.
if YOU want to live with him, then you should live with him. however, if you are just doing it because you want to find a person to do things with, then I wouldn't bother, even if he is really gay, and you do find him attractive. its your choice whether you want to move in with him or not, just make sure it doesn't jeopardize your friendship with him, or the rest of your, or his family.





he sounds gay to me, he also seems like hes trying to hint to him being gay. i myself am not gay, i don't think. anyways, you should just ask him if he really is gay, and tell him it is only between you and him and no one else will know. if he is, then maybe you have a new boyfriend, who knows. he also might be in denial because he doesn't want his family to think he is different, or doesn't want them to think of him differently because of his sexuality.





if you do rent an apartment together, then it could bring him closer to telling you if he is gay, or not. he might want to come out to closet if it's just you and him, which could be good or bad depending on what you think of it. just make sure he trusts you, and don't tell anyone if he is gay, because that could ruin the friendship.