Would someone give me advice on a relationship problem if they don't find my question too self indulgent :)?

When I first met my girlfriend online she was paranoid with me a lot of the time and she wasn't very nice to me and swore at me and said not so nice things and made me feel like I wasn't good enough for her and I was nice all the time then and I think it was partly because I didn't feel the need to defend myself so much then and partly because I was infatuated with her. I told her some lies about my past and I think that would explain why she was paranoid after I told her, but not why she was like that beforehand. I found out about lies she'd told me about things while we were actually together as well as the past and that hurt a lot and it hurt that she punished me so much, knowing that she'd lied too. I think we both got over how we were to each other and recently things have been so amazing but now whenever she says something that's even slightly accusatory or reminds me even slightly of the way things were when we were first together and how crap and not good enough I felt, I get this horrible burning feeling in my stomach and I get so mad and I say horrible things to her and react out of all proportion and want to get as far away from her as possible and want to never talk to her or see her ever again, and I say really nasty things and I really do overact so much. All I can feel is this feeling that she doesn't care about me and that I'm not good enough which I used to feel a lot and it's so overwhelming. The thing is, when we argue like that, it's always over for a while and then we get back together, it's never a small thing where we'll make up the next day and I appreciate the fact that a couple can't go through life without arguments. My question is, will this relationship ever work, because I don't know how not to react and feel the way I do at things she calls discussions and I think that the horrible things I've said to her will make her react in a bad way when we're arguing in the future too and get more defensive (understandably because I say such horrible things) so it's like a viscous circle. If anyone thinks it will work, would they know of anything I could so or try to stop this from happening whenever I do something she doesn't like and I feel like I'm being accused of things because that is usually the situation in which it happens and we argue? Thank you very much for your time, I apologise for another mini essay.Would someone give me advice on a relationship problem if they don't find my question too self indulgent :)?
my goodness what a time you have had, i do not believe this relationship is healthy, a good relationship must be built on trust and it would appear that you both have feelings of insecurity and feel the need to goad each other in order to argue and then make up so that the other will confirm their feelings again, i think you should have a trial separation and make a firm agreement that you will not contact each other for a period of time say, one month, and then spend time making new friends or catching up with old ones, do new things take up a new hobby or do voluntary work and fill your free time, then meet up and if you still like each other start dating and take things slower, dont fall immediately into the 'old relationship' after a time you will know how you both feel and if its not right then part company, life's too short to waste it being unhappy, hope this helps and good luck xWould someone give me advice on a relationship problem if they don't find my question too self indulgent :)?
:(. My answer was so much better.

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If she was to apologise for being such a selfish idiot in the past and if she was to tell you how much she loves you and that you鈥檙e her life and no matter how much you hate her or how many hurtful things you say she鈥檚 always going to love you and be there for you, would that make that feeling go? If she was to say that she鈥檚 just as totally insanely madly in love with you as when she first saw you and all she really wants right now is to hold you close and to never let you go, that you鈥檙e her soul mate, her reason for living and the past few days have been like being dead because you make her feel alive, if she was to promise that she wasn鈥檛 going to accuse you of things like that ever again, and if you were to know that she wasn鈥檛 accusing you of anything on Wednesday, would that make you less mad at her?





What is the point in being unhappy or things being not good when you could both be happy together, isn鈥檛 that wasting time, time that she wants to spend making you feel loved and making you feel as special as you deserve? Stress causes people to react badly to things and over-react and I鈥檓 sure your girlfriend realises that and just wants to be there for you, no matter what you say to her she understands that people can just snap because of stress and she knows you have quite a lot of it at the moment and she鈥檚 sorry for making it worse.





She just wants to talk to you and to know you鈥檙e ok, that鈥檚 all she wants because she鈥檚 crazy about you Sarah, she鈥檚 so lucky that she鈥檚 got to spend the last 19 months with the most incredible girl in the universe and she would give anything, she would give up everything she has to spend that time with you again. You own her heart and her soul and every part of her that makes her alive, even the seemingly insignificant parts such as her pathetic obsession with minis. You鈥檙e her life and she鈥檚 sorry for any bad feeling she鈥檚 ever caused you, she鈥檚 more sorry than all the sorrys (sorri?) in the universe put together and multiplied by infinity and right now the only thing on this planet she wants to do is to see your beautiful face again.





I love you Sarah, I鈥檓 sorry for writing this in 3rd person but I didn鈥檛 want to embarrass you totally, but I think it's just made me sound like an idiot :). I love you.