She has begged and begged for me to come back but I cant bring myself to go back. I have contact with her and have been going round to pick up some of my stuff and again she begged me to stay.
What shall I do as my head is a bit mashed at the moment?!I have a Dilemma in my relationship and need some advice from an unknown source!!?
it doesn't matter what anyone else on here thinks about your relationship. if you feel uncomfortable with it then you've done the right thing.
Of course we all flirt even if we don't realise we are doing it, if you think it has reached an unacceptable level then that's for you to decide.
Just ask your self, is this the only reason I'm leaving? or are there other things stopping me pursuing a relationship.
Are you ready to get married and looking for an excuse not to go through with it?I have a Dilemma in my relationship and need some advice from an unknown source!!?
she wants to make you jealous or realy likes people you know
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Hi Steve
Sounds like its abit rough at the moment m8.As people always say time is a great healer.
If she is begging you to come back and is being a bit OTT has she done it b4?
In my experience a leopard never changes its spots so my opinion would be to let her go and move on and put it down to experience.
i have found that your 1st reaction is always the correct 1,even if it doesnt feel like it at the time.
It boils down to can YOU forgive and FORGET it?if you cant you may find that a few more years down the line you will be thrown it back in her face all the time and split up anyways.
One question,,Have you seen her flirting or have you seen her cheating on you????? If the answer is no then why would you listen to other people if you havent seen it with your own eyes? People do make mistakes and im sure you have made some. Flirting does not constitute for breaking up,,everyone flirts including you. Dont tell me other wise. If she apologizes and you think she means it then give her another chance. And i wouldnt believe everything you hear,,,some people are just jealous and like to make trouble.
What's wrong with a bit of flirting, as long as that's all it was, bloody hell chill out a bit.
well if you are only engaged and you are finding it a problem then stay away...marriage throws everything at you and you have to be able to accept many things that will challenge you...if you stay now you are saying that you accept this behaviour which is fine if you really do...but you have to accept it, accept your decision, expect that it may happen again, that you must never throw it in her face...it has to be done...but it may reoccur...if you can cope with it and be alright then fine but if it does your head in that this happened then you are probably better off out of it as you probably not forget it and it could be your downfall anyways...harsh truth but i hope it helps...hope you feel better soon...;0)
leave him.
I can see the predicament you are in.
Clearly this is a serious relationship - why else would you be enagaged to be married and living together?
Flirting is fine, but as long as it is within reason. Everybody flirts - its a natural gene - my parents have been happily married for 30 years but still flirt. But there is a fine line between innocent flirting and doing it on purpose. I don't think you should've moved out - this is probably over-reacting a little bit. Instead, meet up with your fiancee on neutral ground - a coffee shop for example - and talk to her. Explain how her constant flirting has made you feel rubbish (throw a sympathy card!), inadequate and made you doubt her. Once she probably realises that she's made you feel awful she'll probably see the error of her ways and reign in her behaviour. If she continues to do it after you voice concern then maybe you guys aren't right together.
Good luck.
you have to trust her 100% if theres no trust there isnt a relationship, its only flirting lots of people do it it makes them feel good, but she still comes home to you, if she wanted somebody else she wouldnt be with you. hell if my partner left every time i flirted ,he wouldnt be here now. go back to her.
move on.seriously';over flirting';soon becomes more trust me.had it done to me enough times.dont be a doormat.lifes way 2 short.big squeeeeeezzees+ur head wont always feel mashed xxxxx
I am going through the same at the moment, month to the day in fact but mine invited him back to my house, the truth is i would not be with her now if it wasn`t for my kids and she used them to make me stay. We are trying and she thinks i have done things in the past which in fact is only in her head.
My advice would be if it is just you and her in the relationship then leave she will only do it again, if there are others ie kids then things get complicated.
Leave her alone because if you take her back she will think she has you(mentally)and keep doing it over again. Take my advice I know because i have done it.
its your call at the end, but i experienced something similar and we worked it out, but it still plays on my mind a little, dont deny it. but unless it was actually physical then shouldnt be hard to overcome
It sounds like you've done it. I've been in this same situation - if you're the type of guy that likes a different woman everynight then she sounds fine. Obviously its caused you a lot of distress, this incident in particular. If you've not had this experience with her before then maybe she doesn't know you don't like her doing that kind of thing.
Alternatively it could be that she's ';enjoying herself'; before tieing the knot.
If my fiance was getting over her prenuptial nerves in that way I'd tell her to hop it.
Sounds like you need to re-group. get your own life back together and do it without her.
HTH
I think that you have done the right thing in leaving! well done! It must have been a very hard decision to make and it shows, simply because now your out of it your still having doubts. If this person is over flirting with other people then your relationship is not (to be honest) the strongest that you deserve. Well done for getting your things out and not going back, and heres the old chestnut, that time is the greatest of healers, I would have been surprised if your head wasn't a bit mashed by all of that, so feel good about your self, for being a good honest caring person, that feels hurt when betrayed. You deserve better than that sort of behavior from a partner, :)
well go with your heart do you think she would cheat on you?? if you can not trust her then you might as well move on!! it would be better for the both of you
Sorry you are going through this.
My best advice is to stay on your own for the time being but still see her and see if she really makes an effort to change.
if she is naturally flirtatious then it might be that she can't easily change and it will take a lot of time.
keep the communication open between her and explain how much she has hurt you and that your trust for her is low at the moment.
You both need to learn to respect each other again and work at your relationship.
It might be that she feels neglected and unloved so she was doing it to feel wanted again
Ask her how she feels
Please don't just end it if you still love her That would be silly
Good Luck
Jeff
Go with your gut instinct. How intimitate was this? Just a kiss? A bit more? I think that if there was anything more than just chit chat with someone else, then she is uncertain of her relationship with you. If it was 100% rock solid, why did she feel the need to have anything more than an innocent flirt with someone else? Seems to me there is something missing in her eyes, in this relationship. Maybe now that you have moved out, she realises what she is missing, but could you trust her not to do this again? Its a very hard choice to make. Try to ignore your heart, and your head and go with instinct. Good luck.
it is a huge dilemma!!! cause if you return back she maybe do the same thing again! there is a possibility though that she regretted! if u really-really love her (not like! love her) give her a chance to prove her feelings.. if you don't mind either-way don't go back cause u feel sorry 4 her cause when she did what she did (cheated u) she didn't feel sorry 4 u!!!
why don't you be alone for a while???
and
leave her to do the same...????
all (except one and my ex wife) of my previous gf's are still in my group of friends..
keep seeing her and see what she does.
more importantly
look and see what(who) comes to you!!!
and figure out what YOU want (not if your fiance wants you)
.
I don't believe in marriage any more
(why put the legal system in control of any break up)
(seems you are handling this one ok with out them)
(what would she have the legal system do, if she could?)
If she really cares for you AND you care for her
then
she will be there YEARS later...
maybe as a friend
maybe more than that..
.
.
hm....
.
.
once a cheater always a cheater
nothing wrong with her flirting with other people you tool! who do you think you are? Gods gift to women? you wanker.
you need to seriously pull your head in, run back to your girl, apologise, and hope she doesnt leave your biggoted, controlling **** for someone worth her time.
git.
I think you over reacted a bit... it was only flirting she didnt do the dirty on you, and she seems really sorry.
You need to tell her that that behaviour really upsets you and its not acceptable on such a high level. Likewise you need to relax a bit, do you trust her?? Did anything happen in the past to make you over react in this fashion?
Lay all the cards on the table let her know whats acceptable and whats not, also allow her to explain her own feelings, maybe she's just a very outgoing friendly person, which other people (especially men) can take up the wrong way.
Ye need to talk together but allow yourselves to be calm and stress free when it happens. I do think this is something that ye will sort out and get over.
Good Luck.
Hugs X
U must make it clear to her that you do not accept it.
Watch your own behaviour too-is it because you do the same to her and she is retaliating?-im only suggesting that because, my ex boyf used to flirt with his mates girlfriends, so i started doing it right back to him and he did the same as you did-finished me, which i am now glad of, but, i bet you shes is a good girl otherwise-u should DEFO give her a chance and ignore what other people say to you about her-they could be trying to split you two up and you cant see it.
nevr trust anything that bleeds 4, 5 days an dosent die
This has just happened recently I take it....male pride taken a bashing has it?
You move out because perhaps you feel like she has made a fool of you before people you know. Yes I could imagine it would feel like that , but to give you any sort of advice...what we really need to know is do you want to fix things with your girlfriend or not? Is the way you feel now just hurt pride and anger. If underneath you really do want to make things better then I can try to offer you some advice.
But you have to be able to set aside your anger and resentment and look at why this happened without becoming furious. You need to be able to talk to her positively and get to the bottom of why it all blew up this way
I think that this is a simple case of unclear boundries. Without any other information to go on- this is how it would seem to me.
Everybody has a different boundry of what they consider acceptable for themselves. To some, they can comfortably flirt with others and see no problem with their partner doing the same int he confines of a loving and trusting relationship. While for some, that is totally unacceptable. peoples definitions of what flirting actually is can be widely different too. The problems arise when one person's boundries begin to invade anothers. Then we have situations like yours happening and it happens because neither of you understood what was acceptable to the other.
I think that you have to talk to her about it, because it would be a shame to end everything because of a lack of understanding and communication.
She has not been unfaithful I presume? if not then to be honest...this is not the most massive ground shaking life destroying problem. You will face bigger in the course of your relationship if it continues. If you can not resolve this now, it might grow into something more unmanageable. If you can not solve this problem then how will you cope with the inevitable larger curve balls that life will hurl at you both?
perhaps she feels that she did nothing wrong, you should explain that you understand she was not being malicious that but also tell her that her behaviour caused you too feel bad enough to consider ending the relationship. She may come back saying- well I am who I am and will do as i like- but if she loves you she would not want any behaviour of hers to make you miserable and will respect your boundries.
It requires some understanding and give and take. try to understand her point of view, and keep your temper, approaching any talking with her with abad temper will not gain you anything useful. If you want to make things better, this is your best course of action if not, then you can rest easily in knowing that leaving was the right choice for you
good luck
S
x
It's only flirting, she didn't go the distance. So why did you finish with her? And it seems that she is really sorry for what she did, She deserves better. You are a full.
Yeah - what is ';OVER flirting.'; How far is too far? If you can still call it ';flirting'; my guess is that it's not really gone far enough to break up with her.
If she's flirting whilst naked in bed with another man then that's probably crossed the line - but you see I don't think you'd call that ';flirting'; - think you'd call that foreplay.
I would say you've made the right decision stay away .....even for a while anyway shes proven herself to be untrustworthy and when that happens its very difficult to get the relationship back on track.
leave him
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